Brotherhood Boarding House Blues
by Red Witch
Summary: Lance is depressed about the way his life is going. He'd be even more depressed if he knew what Fred was doing in the back yard.


**I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters. Here's another crazy Brotherhood story from my deranged mind. **

**Brotherhood Boarding House Blues**

Lance sighed as he walked out of his bedroom and went downstairs for breakfast. He took a brief glance at the hall clock that told him it was 8:39 in the morning. He tried to remember what class he would be in if he was still in school but he couldn't remember. Even though it had only been a few weeks since they had been expelled the memories of his school life and schedule were fading away. 

Lately mornings at the Brotherhood House could be categorized into one of two ways. First would be what Lance called 'Training Torture Days' where Pietro would wake them up at the crack of dawn and force them to train for hours on end until either they collapsed or Pietro somehow got himself knocked out. Of course this training consisted mainly of them running around like idiots attacking each other. If there was any improvement in their fighting skills Lance could for the life of him not see it. 

Today was the latter, when Pietro was lost in his own little world dreaming of schemes and ways to torture the X-Men. He would be too caught up trying to think up ways to please his father by showing him he was leadership material to worry about training his troops. So the rest of the Brotherhood was pretty much free to do whatever they wanted. Which was usually loafing around and suited them fine. 

He saw Todd happily munching on some breakfast, which for once consisted on something other than insects. _Well at least we have some decent meals now that Pietro is paying the bills with daddy's credit card, _He thought to himself. Since Fred was nowhere to be seen he assumed that he must be still asleep. Lately Freddy had fallen into the habit of not getting up until noon. Not that Lance blamed him. Besides, when he was hibernating there was more food around for the rest of them. 

"Hey pal!" Todd waved at him cheerfully. "You're up already?"

"Yeah well," Lance shrugged. "Got tired of lying in bed. What are you eating?"

"Cocoa Crispy Sugar Puffs with bananas and marshmallows and blueberries and chocolate syrup," Todd informed him, happily munching away. "With some Oreos sprinkled in." 

"Oh goody," Lance muttered as he made some toast. "You'll be nice and hyper today. Just leave some for Freddy huh?"

"He already ate," Todd told him. "He got up early this morning. Said he had a project he wanted to work on and took off. He only had a box of Crispy Crisps, a whole watermelon, a glass of juice and half a loaf of toast for breakfast."

"Wow for the Blob that's the equivalent of a diet," Lance said slightly amazed. "So what's he up to?"

"Dunno," Todd shrugged. "Wouldn't tell me. Said it was top secret." 

"Oh great!" Lance groaned. "Double O Blob is at it again! How much you wanna bet he's hanging around the public library again reading espionage books? Ever since we got kicked out of school he's become obsessed with the idea of being a secret agent." 

"Well you gotta admit it's a pretty good idea," Todd told him. "I mean being mutant dropouts there ain't exactly too many career choices out there for us."

"That's not the problem," Lance told him sitting down with his toast. "The problem is that he doesn't realize most of the stuff he reads is fiction. He keeps trying to look up James Bond's address so he can get tips on wooing girls. Worse, he thinks he can create some kind of super weapon to destroy the X-Men. Between our semi-fearless leader and his stupid experiments I'm amazed we still have a house left!" 

"Yeah you would think that his exploding tomato idea would have worked," Todd said.

"Toad, all he did was stick a cherry bomb in a few tomatoes," Lance said. "He just made a huge mess that his Royal Highness made us clean up." 

"Is it me or do you seem a little depressed?" Todd raised an eyebrow.

"Depressed?" Lance looked at him. "Toad over the past month I have been outed as a mutant, hunted down by the cops, lost my girlfriend, been used as a pawn by several different people, expelled from school and I am now forced to do the bidding of a lunatic daddy's boy. To say I'm depressed would be putting it mildly."

"Aw come on Lance," Todd said. "Don't say things like that. We're just going through a rough patch that's all."

"Toad, us losing Asteroid M was a rough patch. Being abandoned for months and living without money, heat and water was a rough patch. Even being chased all over the state by the police was a rough patch. This is hell." 

"It is not!" Todd said. "Its not so bad!"

"Are you crazy?" Lance asked. "I'm starting to think of all the time we were stuck in detention as the 'good old days'! At least we could torment the X-Geeks whenever we wanted. Make them as miserable as we were."

"Yeah well something tells me they're already plenty miserable at school," Todd told him. "Heck those jerks at school are probably making them more miserable than we ever did!"

"Well I think you're right there," Lance sighed.

"Of course I'm right!" Todd pounded his fist on the table. "Listen you gotta look on the bright side of things. I know things ain't that good for us, but it ain't like we're the only ones getting dumped on ya know? So forget about Loser High and concentrate on how things are gonna get better for us."

"You're right," Lance sighed. "Sorry Toad I've just been a little down lately."

"Hey it's no big deal buddy," Todd got up and patted him on the shoulder. "It happens to the best of us. Just think about the future. When Wanda comes back!"

"Oh lord," Lance put his head into his hands. 

"Yeah I can see it now when my sweetie comes back," Todd sighed with stars in his eyes. "She'll come through that door like a triumphant queen and kick that royal pain in the butt out on his rear! She'll call us to rise to battle and we'll fight against the X-Men and be triumphant. And when we've won all our battles she'll call to me and I'll take her in my arms and…" He closed his eyes and started smooching the air wrapping his arms around him.

"Just when I thought that I wasn't the only one left here with an ounce of sanity," Lance groaned as he hit his head on the table and banged on it with his fist. "Why me God? What did I ever do to deserve this? I just wanna know? Why?" 

"Aw come on Lance it'll be okay!" Todd said. "Come on, let's do something different today besides sitting on our butts watching TV! It'll do you good!"

"Whoopee," Lance moaned his head still on the table. 

"Let's see what can we do today?" Todd thought. "Hey the movie 'Jackass' is playing. You know like that TV show where they all do those stupid stunts! You wanna go see that?"

"Toad I don't need to pay nearly 10 bucks to see people do stupid things that nearly get them killed," Lance told him. "I can watch that for free right here. All I have to do is wait around long enough." 

"Hi everybody!" Fred walked into the kitchen. He was carrying several firecrackers in a box. He whistled and went out the back door. 

"See what I mean?" Lance pointed. 

"So what do you feel like doing?" Todd asked. "Bowling?"

"Yeah right," Lance snorted.

"Okay so what about going to the mall and hanging out?" Todd asked. Fred walked back in through the kitchen and into the living room. 

"I can't believe you suggested that!" Lance said coldly. "You know I can't do that ever since…"

"Oh I'm sorry man," Todd apologized. "I forgot. You and **her** went there a lot together behind the Geek Brigade's back." 

"That's okay," Lance sighed. He noticed Freddy had come back in carrying a large bucket filled with strawberries and went out the back door again. "I know you're trying to help Toad and I appreciate that but I don't think there is anything you can do. I just feel so down."

"Well that's understandable," Todd told him. Fred crossed back through the kitchen again. "I mean I know what you're going through man but I'm here for you. That's what best buds do." Fred came in again carrying a box labeled: mousetraps, extra large. 

"We are best buds aren't we?" Lance sighed as he watched Fred go outside again. "Strange as it is, you two are the best friends I ever really had."

Fred came back inside and unplugged the toaster. He went outside again with it. "And that thought is so depressing it makes me want to cry," Lance muttered. 

"Aw come on Lance," Todd said noticing Fred was crossing the kitchen again. "You gotta loosen up! You gotta…" He stopped when he saw Fred come in again. This time he was carrying several pipes in a box. 

Fred stopped long enough to go the refrigerator and take out some whipped cream. "Almost forgot the most important part of the experiment," Fred winked and went outside. They sat there stunned while they heard the sound of pounding and banging. 

"Shouldn't we go out there and see what he's doing?" Todd asked.

"I think we might be better off not knowing," Lance said. 

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Fred shouted. There was the sound of an explosion. Several strawberries splattered against the window.

"BLOB YOU MORON!" Pietro's voice screamed. "MY PLANS! YOU DESTROYED MY PLANS!"

"You know now that I think about it bowling doesn't sound like a bad idea," Lance said as they both got up in order to sneak out the front door. 


End file.
